Buffy · Summers

I know why I lose it on vacation. I always thought it was trying to deal with my past and the way my family has treated me. But its work. I suppose I haven ever been happy at work. Especially lately. The last year or so has been building up all kinds of BS with work. And its some serious BS too. Reverse racism... all the hispanics get better treatment at work than I do. I get horrible hours... no oppportunities in other parts of the store. Its also sexist.

And no matter what i do to defend myself I still get verbally backhanded. I get given bullshit answers that make no sense and are not even remotely what I was asking for.

And I dont tell anyone. I am an Amazon.... Logan says I have the Superheroes syndrome. I have to always be strong.... not show weakness.... not tell anyone not share anything. This is mostly because I never was allowed to have feelings as a child. I was told I was stupid and my feelings didnt matter.... so I stopped talking... and started talking to the walls. I was so desperate for people to talk to that they started showing up... and listening and taking care of me.... as best they could. And I stopped trying with the outside world. It didnt matter anymore. All that mattered was them. The ones who showed they cared when it really mattered. The ones who spoke to me and tried to understand.

They tried to hold me. And that meant more than anything. The only time my mother or father ever tried to hold me was when people were over namely my grandparents. Then I got told how stiff I was because I didnt buy into their facade of 'oh see I love her but she wont love me because she wont hug me back' they never touched me other wise.... unless it was to hit me.

But this isnt about my parents or my childhood
this is about me. Ive gotten past all that as much as one can.

Every vacation I have a meltdown. Like a two year old. It is the time I set aside to relax. Actually relax and let everything out. And I do. At the wrong people. But my family has learned to deal with it. They accept that its just me. I suppose they have also accepted that I dont talk to them about my stuff. I never have before. I never felt comfortable doing it. Now , I would... but... Most of the time I dont know what the problem is. I didnt know for over a year. Well I knew.... I just didnt know what was causing it. I know when Logan causes it. My mother and sister cant cause it anymore. 

But I am learning to identify my issues. I know what they are I just dont know how much they affect me. 

I want to deal with it. I want to make them all go to hell for their racist sexist shit. But there are a lot of risks. I stir up issues at work because I see them and want to fix them.  And if I take it far enough its really bad publicity.  Which I most likely will get the bad end of.

Then when it all boils down. This is what  I want to do as a career. I wanna be the person to uncover this stuff and bring it to the publics attention. I am Lois F*ing Lane damnit. And I will prove it. Anyone who messes with me wont have Kal El to smooth things over.  So I guess I need to be more careful than she is. God I wish I could do that shit. That woman is F*ing fearless. She doesnt fear Superman or Wonder Woman.

Diana thinks that  Lois is afraid of her stealing Superman. But I dont think she is. a Little put off maybe. a bit tense... but she knows Kal and Diana better than that.

Anyway....Thank you a million times over for Daria and Sonya for staying up with me for this bitch fest

Well Miracle of Miracles she's still alive. Going through a tough time but shes still around. An email finally got through to her and I hope she continues the correspondence. Then at least we haven't lost our spouses.

We are finally getting the hang of school The idea is to just log in every day and do something. Even though we don't think there is anything due tomorrow or sunday we will still have to do it. And Low and  behold we have more due today than we thought we did. While we are doing that we will also do some shameless plugging. There is a couple of entertaining websites we've found of people doing stupid stuff. The first site we'll post is a webcomic that Beth finds endlessly amusing.

Its Called Out At Home http://www.out-at-home.com/archives/16

Ignore the 16 it really is the beginning of the strip.

These next two you may have seen before but still full of amusing supidity

This ones pretty popular anyway but still http://icanhascheezburger.com/

The name says it all http://thereifixedit.com/

It makes as much sense as it sounds like but if theres an entire site for it its got to be at least mildly amusing.   http://askaurinal.com/    Correction this is by far the best so far. I should visit the public mens rooms more often if this is what goes on there.

Mis heard lyrics this can only be classic. http://www.tofulator.com/

Kids and Babies demonstrating their first fails http://myfirstfail.com/

Alright thats it for now. Enjoy laugh whatever.

D.L.M.